What...the...Fuck?! I will try my best to process this as much as possible but I have difficulty writing recaps. I seem to be more conversational in my critiques than ruthless in my reviews. Okay, so this episode was marginally interesting. Can I start with Hiro and Claire being in the
future past? Hiro unable to understand English and Claire unable to hide that weave on her scalp are watching over the Nakamura family as baby Claire-bear is placed in the hands of Noah...mmm, I totally want to ride Noahs Ark. Anywhore, after Noah leaves to take the future queen of "Why Me" home to his wife Small Wonder and Hiro watch over Mr. and Mrs. Nakamura as they discuss, "The Catalyst" and giving it to Claire. Mama says she wants to keep it in the family, i.e. Hiro and Papa says 10 year old Hiro is too irresponsible. All he cares about is comic books and having fun and loving life which apparently no 10 year old should be preoccupied with. They somehow come the the conclusion that Hiro must inherit the powers, how they both come to the same conclusion while neither one of them speaks the same language I will never know, there by making Claire's life less complicated and Hiro the well...Hero. Claire decides to follower Noah and Hiro is accosted by his father who is under the impression that he is their new cook. He wants Hiro to make Mama Nakamura tamago (yes Kip..I know what tamago is) for breakfast. Being the selfish 10 year old he is he just makes his mother waffles and orange juice...Mmm...I haven't had waffles in a WHILE. He feeds her and they have a heart to heart once she finds out she's staring to the face of the grown son she'll never get the chance to see because she's dying. She gives him the catalyst, blah blah blah, dies, blah blah Hiro is sad-faced.
We are also reacquainted with the brooding Sylar which always made my bottle pop. The sensitive and torn Book Store stooge just didn't do it for me and neither did the road to redemption Sylar 2.0. He had to unfortunately kill Elle which was a long time coming. Her character development was garbage. It's almost as if Kristin Bell did a Hari-Kari just so she wouldn't have to continue to play the roll of a bipolar lightening rod. Instead her character was mutilated and the set ablaze viking style by her lover/nemesis/protege. Sylar decides that Noah's words haunted him...are Papa and Mama Petrelli simply using him as an incredibly hot pawn in their quest for dominance or is he really part of the family? Armed with Elle's cellphone, which somehow has an entire fucking Zagat guide of
mutants people with special abilities Sylar decides to pay a visit to a lonely office drone to steal her powers. Now...I didn't so much have a problem with the scene that later develops as much as I had a problem with her power. You mean to tell me that this guy who has an entire arsenal of abilities covets a bitch who can sniff out a goddamn lie?! Are you serious?! Not just that but did this hoe become special the day before yesterday? I see a menacing man in my office out of no where saying, "I have a delivery for you." and my spider senses start tingling, the LAST thing I'm going to do is alert him to the fact that I smell his bullshit.
Double U Tee EFF-AH!?! . She got what she deserved. She's a step up on the evolutionary ladder and she still doesn't have to common sense that a PSA on stranger danger would alert you to then perhaps she's played her part in the world. Darwin would be PISSED!Also, where WERE Sylar and Elle dropped off? The nexis of the entire world? He can travel to this womans office to kill her and then travel to Pinehurst in a matter of hours and still have time to change, UGH! I do love the scene when her co-workers popped in with a cake and she's just been butchers by her desk. Everyones expression is priceless and I got all jazzed when Sylar said, "Oh...cake" and closed the door. Something about an impending massacre always makes me feel warm and fuzzy.
On to more ranting. Next up? Daphne...oh dear dear Daphne. When this speedster slut showed up at the fucking messenger depot with Ando and Parkman in tow I had to press pause...did I really just see that happen? Did she ACTUALLY bring them with her? How is this possible? Was she carrying them on her tiny sparrow like shoulders or did she drag them across the city? Too many variables and not enough thinking by the writers in my opinion. Now why are all three of them at this location? They need to find the post-humorous work of the coked out clairvoyant to see what has become of Hiro.
Okay, sidebar. Why the hell did the nerds of the round table send these three out to search for these sketches like it was the fucking holy grail? I hope our Heroes don't trust those sketches in their hands or else they'll be returned covered in fan boy jizz. The Heroes encounter the dispatcher who says, "I dunno nothing bout no stinkin' skeeetches" and then Parkman does his Parkinsons twitch and sees that he's lying. When the guy goes to get the sketches he decides to take a stroll instead. He high tails it on a bike and Daphne decides to take chase. Instead of just snatching it off of him she stands all triumphant in his way so that he must swerve from hitting her
(first mistake, if you EVER have the opportunity to hit Daphne. Do it...ALWAYS...EVER!) Then she turns and gives us the fucking three quarter profile of triumphant cockiness and all I can think is.
"SMUG SLUT!" The trio read over the sketches and find out it's entitled, "Hiro: lost in time" or some shit and all I can think is,
"How? How is that possible? The only way he'd be able to do that is if Arthur Petrelli somehow finds them in the past at the exact time it was necessary for him to steal the catalyst from Hiro's ailing mommy but...he can't travel back in time. I mean if he could, wouldn't he have just bypassed all that searching and gone back in time and stolen it from her in the first place?" Ooh, Justin. You're so silly. This script isn't based upon any logic/continuity/or integrity. Jump back to the blah after heroes mommy takes a dirt nap(figuratively) he meets Claire outside on some balcony to discuss the catalyst. Out of
NO WHERE the Papa Petrelli arrives and knocks Claire to the ground...NOT off the roof. He then takes ALL of Hiros powers and knocks him OFF the roof and sends Claire, "Back to the Future". Then we pan to Hiro holding on to some fucking flag pole for dear life.
All this time the uninteresting one has been traveling to NY, Hatian in tow, to assassinate his father. The Hatian tries to talk him out of it because he thinks Blander Petrelli is too fragile to commit matricide. They then infiltrated the
Primatech Pinehurst and managed to get past their elite security team which consisted of like...a guy and a half or something, all the way up to the penthouse suite where the Petrelli patriarch was waiting patiently to be murdered? After some uninteresting dialogue and Arthur's show of RAW POWER! Sylar comes in to save the day, see also;
Kill Arthur Petrelli. After his body orbed like a freaking white lighter off of Charmed I had had too much, my DVR knew what was best for me and decided the rest wasn't as important to see.
